Friday, February 3, 2012

I Love, Love.

Love will get you. That's for damn sure. Love is electric.
I am not sure where to take this post. I just need to write. I just need to evolve, love. Even those two words are dangerously associated with one another.

As I was reading a fellow bloggers latest post, he questioned if we are anything but love. He wrote about the yearning for love, and how as beings, we all yearn for love. Society has rocketed forward, and yet human beings have never stopped yearning for love. He finished by saying that "love is the greatest thing we possess, the greatest we can give, and the greatest thing to share. Without love, what are we?"
Immediately, I read that and my automatic response was a typical Melissa answer of : "WE ARE INDEPENDENT DAMMIT!" But my own answer made me blush, showing me that in fact I was on the defense. I currently don't have a partner with whom I get to share my love with, so therefore I use my independence as a veil, a curtain to show all those in love that "I've got this" attitude. But of course I want love. I want to share my love, and I want someone to share their love with me. (I realized after this past non-relationship/relationship that the second part of that equation is huge).

I think about finding a man who is well read and intellectual. Employed as well as passionate about his work. An outdoor enthusiast who I can share with, and learn from. Someone who is direct without being cruel. A man who tolerates my love for sports. A man who will travel with me, and a man to explore new cultures with.

 I have been in love before. I do not believe that you can only love one person. I believe that you can love, and people can grow, sometimes not together though (That is when it kills you) I was thinking back to how many times I have "been in love". In my 24 years, I have truly loved 3 men. Only two of whom I actually said it to. But, while reading the book Wanderlust I came across this paragraph:
This is quite the paradox, is it not? I wouldn't say that I am as negative as the author in the belief that it is not possible to hold onto love, but I did like that love is described as a series of moments. This is how I can explain my belief that love does not always have to last forever. NOW with that said, I do though believe that love can last forever, and that these series of moments can lead a couple closer together and strengthen their love, absolutely. This is what we all strive for, and this is what I have yet to find. But the main point that I am trying to make is that love, is fluid. Love changes as you change. This is why out of the 3 men I have loved, it did not last. We grew up, and did not grow together. This does not mean loved them less, it just meant that our moment passed.

I envy those in love. I have friends who have children, trying for children, and planning for children. I have friends planning weddings, and planning anniversaries. I have friends who are like me, just trying to figure everything out, coincidentally they too for the most part are trying to find love. I would be a liar to say that I am not envious of those in love.

Though the more I really broke this envy down, I realized that this is only one type of love. In fact, I am so on the defense about relationships and not being love, that I am missing out on love itself.

If love is the "the greatest thing we possess, the greatest we can give, and the greatest thing to share", then I do love. Love is beyond a man, or a partner. It is about the electricity you feel. When you share your love with someone, take the time to educate others on your passions, and give them the opportunity to experience something new, something....magnificent.

I possess a love for the outdoors. I love the energy of being outside, and getting mud on my shoes and on my hands. This energy is two fold though; outward and inward. I love taking people outdoors with me, I love sharing my excitement for the trails with others, and I love nothing more than when people share their excitement with me. Though I also possess a love for the outdoors that is solely intrinsic as well. The reward when you hit the trails, fill your lungs, and clear your mind. It is the ultimate opportunity to re-center and strengthen. This excitement goes beyond the trails too; it goes with me to the lake, when I get  behind my boat to ski; it goes onto the rocks when I climb ; it goes onto the snow when I ski. This love, goes with me everywhere. This love for the outdoors is an endless supply.

I give love to the non-profits I support, the trails that I walk, and to the friends that I curl up with at the end of the day. Just because I am not giving my love to a partner right now, doesn't mean that I am not giving love. My life would be empty if I didn't distribute my love. I really believe that I couldn't make it in life, and truly be happy if I didn't love outwardly, constantly.

I share love daily with others.  I share articles with friends, mainly of others who I find inspirational and who I think may inspire the person I am sending it to as well. For example, I just sent my friend Lisa this article, and my friend Sara this one. I share advice, and I share stories. I share heartache and I share elation. I share time, and I share resources. I share cups of tea and I share ideas. This is all part of sharing love with another.

What I am able to now see is that even though I don't have a partner, I still have love in my life. A lot of it. I have wonderful friends who I get to welcome into my home, and who welcome me into theirs. I have a network full of laughter, tears, crazy stories, and adventures. It is time to lose the veil of defense that I hide behind, and remember that I am still in love, even if I am not in love with someone. And actually, this has helped me enough to realize that I don't need to have someone in my life romantically in order to feel loved, or feel complete. This is not a desperation hunt, this is a journey and I absolutely look forward to meeting that someone, someday--but in the mean time, cheers.

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