Friday, July 8, 2011

It's all coming together.

"Never be afraid to pack up and leave. Don't get so set in your ways that you can't find the means or the reasons to get away. The status quo can always be changed."

This past week I hit the road. Oregon to Missouri--Missouri to Oregon. 30 hours each way. Best friend as my co-pilot, the Wiz Kalifa CD playing on repeat, sun roof open, camera out. It was a perfect week.

As we traveled across through the states and cities, I began to ask myself in every town "can I see myself living here?".  There were cities such as Boise, where I was like "yea, I could totally do this", and cities such as Dinosaur, Colorado or Gothenburg, Nebraska where I wanted to scream "Oh hell no." But there was one place this trip that caught me off guard, and I actually felt that not only could I see myself living there, but man--I wanted to live there. Pack up, move out, start over. 

I have discovered Boulder, Colorado.

The atmosphere.
The obscene amount of bikes, and kayaks strapped to the tops of Subarus.
The camping.
The life.
The energy.
The excitement to be active.

So now that I am back here in the "Dirty", I feel anxious, confused, and excited for something new. Our fiscal year just ended and I should be organizing and planning for next year, but I can't seem to motivate myself. My job no longer stimulates me. In fact, it stresses me out. I no longer work for the love of my alma mater, I work for the love of the money. I work to pay off debt. Please don't misunderstand--I love who I work with, and I believe that this institution has a lot of marvelous room for growth, but I think I am simply outgrowing it. As I told my friend Adrienne,  I want to be in an atmosphere and workplace where I can challenge myself and be challenged without feeling like I am day dreaming. Right now, I am having a hard time motivating myself for this new year ahead because I feel like I am constantly brainstorming and day dreaming because I don't feel confident that our best practices are being followed anymore.

I had an "ah-ha" moment while walking around the wonderful city of Boulder:
I love fundraising.
I don't belong in Monmouth anymore
Just because I work for Higher Ed now, doesn't mean I always have to. 
I could be an AGD at a museum, or a theater, or a grassroots org.
It's time I start looking around.
It's time to start again in a new city, or state for that matter.

And, as the gears were turning in my head, I began to get excited again. Excited about work, excited about philanthropy, excited about being excited.

I need to remind myself that there is no shame in leaving. I am leaving because I need more in my life. I need something new. I am not leaving on foul terms, I am leaving in order to grow. This isn't a deal where I one day walk into my job and say I quit. I most likely have another year here, but if another opportunity presents itself, I don't want to turn my shoulder to it, like I have this past year.

Monmouth, you have been very good to me, and I love you, but I think it's time to start seeing other people.

"Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life"

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