Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Title Me Twisted

Titles. Boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, partner, lover, "friend", mate, etc. Why the title?

My frustration over titles began to arise as more and more of my friends began to get married, or get pregnant. Titles unfortunately alter friendships. I have an two old friends who were my support system, roommates, and best friends. One of the girls has been in a committed relationship for four years, and now proudly wears an engagement ring. The other has been with her beau for three-ish years and now lives with him. Both couples have puppies, both plan weddings, both couples have bbq's while the girls catch up and the boys drink beer. So why am I now left out? I have been committed in my dysfunctional, yet perfect relationship for the past year and a half, I have a kitty--who is like my child, I live with three boys (one being my boyfriend), a full time job, and a knack for non-profits. I love my life right now, I couldn't imagine changing anything. Yet, for some reason, the "three musketeers" have singled one man out. Me. I have lost numerous nights of sleep over this debacle questioning everything thing about our friendship. It was my boyfriend who helped me draw the conclusion that the diving force between me and my two friends were titles.

With that said, he managed to make me recognize that they are on an entirely different playing field than I am. We no longer share multiple titles. When I first met the girls, I was dating my high-school sweetheart who left for the military, and in my freshman year of college I saw myself someday marrying this man. We were all committed. Sure enough military man and I broke up, and I went on a "date whoever, find yourself" voyage, which only ended in a lot of sex and a lot of heartbreak. I guess it was then that the ties started to unravel, but we remained friends throughout the years, and became roommates who laughed together, cried together, and experienced together. We had the title of best friends in my opinion. Titles.

Nevertheless, one has the title of fiancee, and the other is soon to gain the title as well. They will be introduced at events and "My wife". What comes next? The pregnancies. They will now gain the titles of "Mother". I am no where near this stage in my life. I don't want to be anywhere near this stage of my life. I am way too young. I have so much more I want to do before marriage and babies. My boyfriend is right, they are gaining titles at a rate that I can not match. The two will rise through the ranks of life, marriage, and motherhood together. Maybe someday I will catch up, but I will never experience it with them, as they will together.

Titles alter everything this is true in every relationship. It can be seen on the most basic level in an workplace, when a manager gets promoted to a director. It happens all the time when best friends shed their title and transform into boy/girl friends. People recognize that titles change everything. My boyfriend and I had been friends at least two years before we let our minds actually begin to contemplate dating. When we agreed that we had killer chemistry, we kept the matter very quiet. We didn't change out facebook statuses until nearly a year into dating. We recognized that titles were insignificant to our feelings and love for one another, but yet very "loud" in society.

This rant about titles is a mix of my beliefs that society gets worked up/praises stupid shit like titles, but I know in my heart that there is a small fraction of jealousy over the fact that I am losing friends because I can not keep up with their ever expanding titles.

Whenever I go on rants like this where I just bitch and moan, I must always close with something positive. If I go after my self image I make myself think of three things I love about my body, or whatever I am whining about. So for this title rant, I will select three titles that I carry that I love: 1)Daughter/Sister. 2)Grassroots believer. 3)Explorer.

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