Last night I decided to go back and pick up some more crap (I thought I got it all the first time!) from the Pink House. Oddly enough, I found myself with a car filled with hiking gear, climbing gear, my bike, backpacks, snow skis, poles, boots, a tv, a wii, and a mattress topper. Why yes, I DO drive an Elantra! Those years of playing Tetris really paid off!
Though as I brought all this gear back to my room at my parents, I realized that I was putting all my gear to shame. I literally stood there, hands on my hips, and sighed with discouragement. Something has to change.
I made a list at the beginning of the summer of all these different things I wanted to do by Septembers end. I got a lot of them checked off, but there were still a few that went unanswered. Kayaking, Climbing lessons at Smith Rock, Road Trip to Moab, Ceramics class, etc. I guess I didn't realize that I was lying to myself, because when I glanced over the list I INSTANTLY blamed these unanswered adventures on lack of funds and lack of friends with funds. Uhhhh hm. I have an excellent job, with a decent salary, so scratch that excuse. And as for friends to go with me--who needs em? Whats wrong with going out by yourself?
I think there is a lot of pressure to explore while using the "buddy system". This is garbage. One of my favorite things to do in the whole world is go on a hike by myself with a good book and literally get lost. For some reason, I need to keep this hobby a secret because hiking alone is "dangerous"--yea, so is driving.
Here is a usual breakdown of how the conversation goes:
Them: "What did you do this weekend"
Me: "I went hiking!"
Them: "With who?"
Me: "Oh, no-one, I just went by myself"
[And my god ladies and gents, the expression on most peoples faces make it seem like I just told them I spent the whole weekend working at the whore house]
The next line they ALWAYS say with shame is: "You really shouldn't hike alone."
What is so wrong with being alone? This societal need to take part in the buddy system all the time is really holding me back. I didn't touch my snow skis ONCE last season!! Why? Cause I had no one to go with. Looking back I realize what an idiotic response this really is. I don't ski the back hills, double black diamond runs. There is always usually one person around me in case I decide to accidentally ski into a ditch.
Why do I do this? Why do I wait for others to join me in my adventures? My new personal goal is to get out of this buddy system rut. I will always ask if people want to join me in an adventure, but never again will I not do something because I will have to do it alone. I also vow to stop creating excuses. For example: I am an active person, therefore it is time for me to get a car to match my personality. I can't rely on others with 4-Wheel drive to get up to the mountain when it is snowing. It's time for me to get a car with 4-Wheel drive so that I can take my adventures into my own hands.
So here is where I will leave this rant. Two quotes:
1) Found this on the side of my NF Hiking bag "NEVER STOP EXPLORING"
2)Famous Bukowski quote" "You have to die a few times before you can really live." Damnit I have died enough, I am ready to live!