Re-purpose

I'm not surprised that I haven't blogged in roughly a month.
I have been busy.

Busy with wonderful, celebratory happenings such as birthdays, BBQ's, and dinners with the "Family".
So why haven't I written?

Because none of these events, though fabulous, had the ability to ground me.

It wasn't until I let my feet hit the soil this past Saturday that I felt my mind revert to a state of imagination, creativity and excitement. Alongside my dear friend, Adrienne, I felt her connection as our auras simultaneously aligned, preparing us for the day ahead.

With no concept or concern of distance, we hiked the switch-back trail catching up like old friends do. We stopped to take photos, and I got my dose of biology as she educated me on the families and origins of the plants that we passed. A true plant physiologist that woman is. (Ad--I found myself thinking about Bracken, Maidenhair, and Lady Ferns while eating my breakfast this morning. What have you done to me?). As you can also see in the photo, I got a lesson in which plants were edible. Though delicious, I remained skeptical, fearing that I would accidentally eat the wrong type and wind up dead.

With no true agenda for the day, we allowed ourselves to escape and cling to nature; I felt as my mind and soul dropped it's guard and welcomed the reunion; asking for acceptance and unity. Being typical 24 year-olds, Adrienne and I continuously find ourselves trying to navigate the world of love, meanwhile fighting to make a name for ourselves in order to keep our independence as women, professionals, and mentors. We talked about the tender love of a long-term partner and the excitement of a new crush, the turmoil and the elation that goes with dating, and the pain and the forgiveness of relationships; all while shamelessly thanking and praising our outlets: hiking, yoga, climbing, and writing, as our saving graces for our daily sanity.

Working our way past Fairy Falls towards the Devils Rest Summit, we found ourselves alongside a creek with a powerful current just gentle enough to invite us to play on her slippery rocks, logs, and mud. I felt my chest relax as I approached the water, ears stimulated over the rush, my eyes locked on to the waters path. Dancing with the elevation, flirting with large rocks and fallen trees, she made her deceleration to the forest that this was her course, but all are welcome. You couldn't stop this dance, she was full of direction, ready to adapt to protect her needs.


Adrienne and I found ourselves continuously in awe of instances such as these that displayed nature's ability to adapt and re-purpose itself within its environment. As easily as the fallen trees became a part of the creeks "tango", dozens of trees warped their strong foundation, altering the direction of growth in order to maximize sunlight. This environment is a continuum of adaptation. That very adaptation is what made them beautiful to me. On the trail we passed many perfectly erect trees, solid in their roots, beaming from the sun's rays--but my heart was with those who were twisting and leaning, and those that had fallen.

In attempt to figure out why I was so enamored with those unique trees, I began to parallel my own experiences to the trees.  As I fight towards my personal path of enlightenment, I pride myself on leading a life that continually challenges me. Just as those trees fought for extra sunlight, I fight to make myself stronger. I adapt to the changes at work, the dynamics of growing friendships, potential love interests, etc.

It was then that I realized that when Adrienne and I discussed our desire to love, truly love, I discovered why I was drawn to the logs in the creek as well as the trees that fought for their fuel source: It was because I see myself in those trees. Constantly adapting. Constantly working towards betterment. More so, I see my future partners in those trees. I love the unique qualities and the visible drive to obtain their enlightenment. I see the beauty of growth.

I haven't written, because I haven't been grounded.
I haven't been grounded because I haven't taken the time to listen to my surroundings.

Life reminds us that adaptation is necessary, nature reminds us that adaptation makes you beautiful.

Title Me Twisted

Titles. Boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, partner, lover, "friend", mate, etc. Why the title?

My frustration over titles began to arise as more and more of my friends began to get married, or get pregnant. Titles unfortunately alter friendships. I have an two old friends who were my support system, roommates, and best friends. One of the girls has been in a committed relationship for four years, and now proudly wears an engagement ring. The other has been with her beau for three-ish years and now lives with him. Both couples have puppies, both plan weddings, both couples have bbq's while the girls catch up and the boys drink beer. So why am I now left out? I have been committed in my dysfunctional, yet perfect relationship for the past year and a half, I have a kitty--who is like my child, I live with three boys (one being my boyfriend), a full time job, and a knack for non-profits. I love my life right now, I couldn't imagine changing anything. Yet, for some reason, the "three musketeers" have singled one man out. Me. I have lost numerous nights of sleep over this debacle questioning everything thing about our friendship. It was my boyfriend who helped me draw the conclusion that the diving force between me and my two friends were titles.

With that said, he managed to make me recognize that they are on an entirely different playing field than I am. We no longer share multiple titles. When I first met the girls, I was dating my high-school sweetheart who left for the military, and in my freshman year of college I saw myself someday marrying this man. We were all committed. Sure enough military man and I broke up, and I went on a "date whoever, find yourself" voyage, which only ended in a lot of sex and a lot of heartbreak. I guess it was then that the ties started to unravel, but we remained friends throughout the years, and became roommates who laughed together, cried together, and experienced together. We had the title of best friends in my opinion. Titles.

Nevertheless, one has the title of fiancee, and the other is soon to gain the title as well. They will be introduced at events and "My wife". What comes next? The pregnancies. They will now gain the titles of "Mother". I am no where near this stage in my life. I don't want to be anywhere near this stage of my life. I am way too young. I have so much more I want to do before marriage and babies. My boyfriend is right, they are gaining titles at a rate that I can not match. The two will rise through the ranks of life, marriage, and motherhood together. Maybe someday I will catch up, but I will never experience it with them, as they will together.

Titles alter everything this is true in every relationship. It can be seen on the most basic level in an workplace, when a manager gets promoted to a director. It happens all the time when best friends shed their title and transform into boy/girl friends. People recognize that titles change everything. My boyfriend and I had been friends at least two years before we let our minds actually begin to contemplate dating. When we agreed that we had killer chemistry, we kept the matter very quiet. We didn't change out facebook statuses until nearly a year into dating. We recognized that titles were insignificant to our feelings and love for one another, but yet very "loud" in society.

This rant about titles is a mix of my beliefs that society gets worked up/praises stupid shit like titles, but I know in my heart that there is a small fraction of jealousy over the fact that I am losing friends because I can not keep up with their ever expanding titles.

Whenever I go on rants like this where I just bitch and moan, I must always close with something positive. If I go after my self image I make myself think of three things I love about my body, or whatever I am whining about. So for this title rant, I will select three titles that I carry that I love: 1)Daughter/Sister. 2)Grassroots believer. 3)Explorer.